“You know, you can choose not to do it. You can simply walk away.”

I hear these words of my inner coward every morning as I prepare for a plunge. Although I have dedicated several years to this practice, the voice remains my devoted companion. It may have never gone away but my approach to it changed with time.

Fear

When I first started doing winter swimming, I was hypermotivated like most beginners. But when walking to the beach at dawn, escorted by the already painfully cold breeze, every bit of motivation that I had, would abandon me. I would arrive at the beach, feeling threatened by its sight alone. As I undressed, I would hear a voice “Oh, poor you, you’re already freezing. You know you don’t have to do this. Walk away.” She is right; I would think, this is too uncomfortable. Hesitantly I stared at the ocean. Of course, I still went in and felt darn euphoric afterward, but even then, I anticipated hearing that voice again tomorrow, not sure if I would be able to dismiss it.

Resistance

Once I battled my fear of the voice, I began fighting it and even talking back. “But I have to do this. You know it's good for me.” And though it wasn’t threatening any longer, it still occupied a lot of my time, leaving me already exhausted before swimming. The turning point for me was realizing that the voice is simply a survival mechanism, and though at times it may be right and protecting, this time it wasn’t. Resisting gave it undeserving significance.

Acceptance

When you can’t change something, change your perspective.

Now, I get in the water before it’s done talking. I no longer fight it. I’ve accepted it as my lifetime companion and found peace, shifting my focus to discipline and growth. And just so you know, the voice doesn’t get any weaker. You just become stronger. Stay freezilient, my friends!

-Maria Mikaelian